So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
