2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I wish I only lived at night.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
