it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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