Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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