Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
