the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
