After last night, I could never be a politician.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
