There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
