Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
