I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
