I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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