I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
