I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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