Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Farmville is her only friend.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Randomize
