You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he fucked my hip out of place.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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