I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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