No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
