I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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