that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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