I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
