I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
