Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
