Your face is a jimmy john
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
