Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
