The maid of honor just puked.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
