Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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