Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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