She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
