How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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