I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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