I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
