How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
