Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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