Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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