I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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