...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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