He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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