i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
