And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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