You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
