What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
