Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Alive.
So much puke
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
