I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
