Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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