this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I see more hoeing in ur future
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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