this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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