I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
