remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
