you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
