i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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