Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
