Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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