so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
