Don't make out with my wife yet
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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