my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
