by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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