I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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