Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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