Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
