I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
