Already got asked if we're dating
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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