Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
