Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
