she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
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She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
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They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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