dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
