i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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