it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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