If i could tip my vagina, i would.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
